Kindle My Heart Book 1: Something I've always wanted
by SoulWriter5683
Summary: Despite the fact that it was the least respectable assignment in the Community, Eva always wanted to be a birthmother. But when she meets Jonas, he shows her the dark lies of the community, as well as something that she has been yearning for her whole life.
1. The Reciever

**So this story is basically about Jonas and my OC, Eva. If you love romance then this story will not disappoint. You can skip the prologue if you like, but it explains something mentioned later in the chapter.**

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**ENJOY!**

**Prologue**

_The little three sat on the soft rug, playing with wooden building blocks. Her dark chocolate brown hair was in two braids, as was the hair of all the female fours who sat playing, reading, or eating around her. The little girl looked up from the toys to see her mother standing in the doorway of the childcare center, chatting with one of the attendants. The young child's face lighted up, and she got up and ran to her mother, embracing the middle age woman with her chubby arms. Instead of returning the embrace, the mother looked aghast. She took her daughter firmly by the shoulders, and pushed her off. "Eva." She said firmly, looking the girl straight in the eyes. "Hugging is an invasion of personal space and is **not allowed**. Never try that again, alright?" the little girl was hurt, but she nodded. "Now, apologize for invading my personal space." "I apowogize for invwading your personal space." The toddler fumbled. "Good. Now never try to hug anyone ever again, okay Eva?" the mother said sternly. Eva nodded. "That's a good girl." Her mother said, taking Eva's hand and leading her out of the Childcare center._

Five years later

_"Alright class, you are now dismissed. Have fun doing your volunteer hours." The instructor said, sitting down at his desk. The eights began to pack up, putting books and folders into their backpacks and filing out of the classroom. After packing her bag, Eva approached her teacher solemnly. "Instructor Samuel, may I speak to you?" the pale-eyed eight asked. "Of course, Eva" the Instructor said, looking up. "What is it?" "Well sometimes I feel empty." Eva answered. "You have to be more specific. Where exactly do you feel empty?: The instructor asked. "I don't know. It's hard to describe." "Do you feel ill?" The teacher inquired. Eva shook her head. "It's as if something is missing from me." The instructor nodded, and then answered "Alright, Eva, here's what I'll do. I'll write a letter to the hospital telling them to schedule an examination for you. I'll also give you a note for your parents, alright?" Eva nodded. "The doctors should be able to find out what is wrong. And if they don't, you'll just have to accept and learn to live with the emptiness."_

**_*end of prologue*_**

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Eva ran the metal hairbrush through her dark brown bob for the eleventh time, and it went through effortlessly, like it always did.

She looked at herself in the mirror, and saw a dark haired, pale-eyed girl in a gray tunic staring back at her. She went through the mental checklist she had learned when she was just a four. _Hair brushed neatly? Check. Face and teeth cleaned? Check. Clothes on frontward and on the right side? Check. Shoes on the right feet? Check._

Eva smiled slightly at her reflection in the mirror. She remembered how her mother had told her that mirrors were only for "making sure one's physical appearance is neat, clean, and ready to begin a productive day in the community." When Eva asked her why mirrors were covered with a blind.

Satisfied with her appearance, Eva set her hairbrush down on her dresser and pulled down the blind that covered her mirror. She walked out into the hallway, and seeing her parents were still getting ready, sat down at the square dining table.

As she sat quietly, she stared at her hands and dwindled her thumbs nervously. Although she wouldn't say it, she wanted nothing more than to be chosen as a birthmother. She had been scolded strictly by her parents a few years ago for saying so, and since then she had learned to keep her true feelings to herself.

Two years ago, when she was a ten, she had learned in school how newchildren grew inside of birthmothers for nine to ten months. That was the moment she decided she wanted to become a birthmother. She had always felt an empty void inside of her, like something was missing from her everyday life. Having a cute little newchild growing inside her would certainly fill that void, she had decided.

"Eva?" her father asked, causing her to snap out of her trance. "Eva, are you ready to leave for the community center ?' " Yes father I'm ready" she replied, getting up from her chair and pushing it in. She followed her father outside, took ,her bicycle out of its port, and mounted it. Then, she and her parents began riding toward the community center.

After Eva had parked her bicycle, she began to search for her good friends Zanna and Jecile. When she caught sight of them, sitting at their cusioned seats in the auditorium balcony, they waved her over, patting the seat between them. She jogged up the stairs, dodging past dozens of people to sit betwen her two friends.

"Aren't you excited to recieve your assignment today?' Zanna squealed. " Tommorow. We are recieving our assignments tommorow." Jecile corrected her.

Zanna shrugged. "Well, it's exciting all the same " she replied. "Of course I'm excited", Eva replied, smiling weakly.

Although she was excited to become a birthmother, she was dreading seeing the look o f disappointment upon her parents' faces. Her father was the head doctor at the hospital, and her mother was a judge, both of which were extemely respectable assignments. To make matters worse, her older brother was an architcect, and and had designed the newest community buildings.

She looked up at them, smiling weakly. "Of course I'm excited. I know i told you both that i wanted to become a nurterer, but I have a confession to make." Jecile and Zanna nodded silmountaneously, their eyes curious. Bowing her head and wringing her hands Eva murmured, "The truth is, I'm hoping to become a birthmother."

Zanna and Jecile exchanged worried glances, and Jecile spoke up first. "Eva, why would you want that? Birthmother is the least respectable of all the assignments!" "Also,your parents would be extremely disappointed! You're much more intellient than any birthmother." Zanna added. Eva could feel anger boiling up inside of her, a rage that she never knew she was capable of.

"I don't are what anyone else thinks!I don't care if everyone thinks birthmothers are lazy and stupid! You know what I think? I think Being a birthmother is the most honorable assignment of all! Birthmothers are the reason we are all here, after all! They carried us around for ten months, growing us inside of them until we were ready to be born! I can hardly say that for our mothers! We're not even allowed to hug!"

"Eva, calm down, there is no need to get upset. Besides, hugging is an invasion of personal space." Jecile said. "There are more dignified ways to show we enjoy one another!" Eva could feel herself boiling over stood up, then turned to her friends and screamed "Well I don't care!"

She could instantly feel hundreds of pairs of eyes on her as half the auditorium stopped their shallow conversations to locate the sound of the scream. Realizing what she had just done, Eva turned and ran, runninng downn stairs and around corners, tears blurring her vision.

Eva ran dowm the corriders of the auditorium, nameless faces in gray passing her by. Tears ran down her cheecks like waterfalls from a source of utter lonliness of desperation. She didn't know where she was going, but she just needed to run.

Away from the emptiness, the loneliness, the fake feelings. She could hardly see, and the tears blurred her vision so badly that- SLAM. Eva ran smack dab into someone, sending her crashing to the carpeted ground. She quickly wiped her eyes and began to scramble up, when she saw a hand held out her, and took it gratefully.

"I apologize f-" Eva stopped mid- sentence when she saw who it was. It was none other than Jonas, the reciever of Memory, as he she recognized him from his selection three years ago. (not to mention his pale eyes). Their eyes locked, and for seconds they did nothing more than stare at each other. Flustered, Eva tried again. "I apologize for bumping into into you. I apologize for being so clumsy." she explained, tucking her hair behind her ear, "It's just that- " There's no need to apologize – Eva", he said looking at her namecard.

Another awkward moment of silence, and then Jonas realized that he was still holding on to Eva's hand. Breaking the silence, Jonas said . "Well, Eva. I've never seen you before." "Well I've seen you!" Eva replied, smiling and stating the first thing that came into her mind, and instantly realizeing that it a few probably didn't sound very intelligent. "Hey – Eva" Jonas said, using her name again, and for some reason it gave Eva a strange feeling. A pleasureable one, but strange all the same. "Were you crying?"

Eva instantly ducked her head. "No" she mumbled, but she knew that Jonas saw right through her little act. "Trust me" he said. "I know crying when I see it." Eva wondered what that meant, but she stayed silent with her head bowed. "Hey he whispered" putting his mouth close to her ear. Do you want to talk about it.?" He asked,.

Eva lifted her head, and couldn't help the flutter of hope that flew her for a second. All her life, no one had been able to help her fill the emptiness that she felt inside of her, so why should the reciever be any different? If she wasn't chosen to become a birthmother tommorow, she decided she would just have to accept and learn to live with the emptiness, like her instructor told her.

"No." she shook her head firmly, and pulled her hand out of Jonas' larger one. "No one has been able to help me, so why should you?" She asked, her voice cracking, sad and hopeless. "Just because you're the reciever doesn't mean you can solve everything." Looking spitefully into Jonas'pale eyes, she could tell that she had hurt him. Good. She thought. She didn't really want to hurt anyone, but she thought Jonas deserved a better companion than one with a strange emptiness inside her.

Now all she had to do was fake an apology to Jonas for hurting him, then fake another to her friends for yelling at them. "Jonas I apologize for hurting your feel-" Jonas said nothing, but firmly took her wrist and began dragging her along.

Eva snatched her hand away, "What do you think you're doing, Jonas?" she said, crossing her arms and giving the reciever a evil glare. "Look, Eva." he said, turning around. "I think i can help you. No, I know I can help you. But I can only help you if you let me. Please." Eva nodded slightly, and followed behind Jonas silently.

Jonas led her along to the upper auditorium, which was completely empty, and sat her down on a seat, sitting next to her. "Look, I know we just met. But-" "But what, Jonas, do you think you can magically solve everything no you can't." "You're no more special or wise than the rest of us." She said, although she knew the words were a liew as they came out of her mouth. She knew that recievers were special- they had the capacity to see beyond.

She stood to leave, but Jonas quickly put his arm around her waist and pulled her back down into the chair. "Look, Eva, there's a lot more going on here than you think. We have seventeen minutes left until the ceremony starts. Just let me help you. Please."

He looked desperate and pleading, and something in his eyes told Eva he was telling the truth. But, something was holding her back He took Eva's hand again, and squeezed it, looking her dead in the eyes, . Please? he asked. Ok, Eva said nodding slowly.

And so Eva told Jonas about the emptiness that she first noticed as a three, and had become worse as she got older. About how she tried to hug her mother, how her teacher told her live with her emptiness, and how she decided that becoming a birthmother would fill the emptiness she felt. Throught everything, Jonas held her hand and listened quietly.

After she had finished speaking Jonas said, "Eva, I know why you feel empty.I know exaclty why. There's a lot I want to tell you, but it will have to wait, alright?" he said, squeezing her hand . "You and I, and my Mentor, of course, are very, very special." "How are we special?" Eva asked, intriguied. "There's so much I will tell you soon, I promise. It has something to do with our blue eyes." "What's blue?" Eva asked. "I'll show you soon enough", Jonas said, smiling.

"But right now we have to get back to our seats. Meet me on the left staircase of the school building right after school the day after tommorow. And you can't tell anyone about this, ok?", Eva nodded, intrigued by all the mystery of what Jonas was saying. "Fellow Citizens of the community" The voice on the intercom boomed, "Please find your seats, as the age progression Ceromony will begin in exactly five minutes. Thank you for your cooporation." "It isn't a good idea for more people to see us together than already have" Jonas said, Eva hanging on to his every word.

"You go and find your seat, and I'll follow in a couple of minutes. The consequences of me being late will be much less than yours. He said, smiling at her. "O.K. Jonas" Eva said getting up and letting go of his hand. "I'll see you in couple of days. Thank you." "Jonas, why do we have to wait until school? Why not tommorow?" "Because I need to speak with my mentor first," Jonas said.

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So... what do you think? Was the chapter too short, too long, what did you like and dislike about it? Please review because _**the** **only way I can make this story better is with feedback**_! I hope you enjoyed the story and hope to see you back for the next chapter! :)

**_Enjoy the day! :D_**


	2. Love and Stirrings

**I thought the rest of the first day of ceremonies was unnecessary, so this first scene takes place after the first day of Ceremonies. And after that, the next scene takes place that night and then the next day. (the second day of ceremonies)**

**ENJOY (or else)**

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"Giver?" Jonas asked, walking into the Annex that he had walked into so many times before. "Come in, child." The giver said, smiling. "Come and sit. I need to speak to you." _Oh no_, Jonas thought. _Does he know about Eva?_ Jonas sat down at the upholstered couch, the Giver sitting across from him.

"Jonas, I feel-" he paused to cough-" my time is coming soon." Jonas knew what that meant. He knew that it would happen someday, but he kept acting like it would never become reality. But now, with the Giver's recent weak state and coughing fits, he knew the Giver's death was fast approaching.

The Giver began again. "Jonas, there are still many memories I need to give you, and there are responsibilities you will have as Receiver." Jonas could feel his eyes glistening over. "No, Giver, you-you can't go. I-I need you" he said, and could feel the tears running down his face. "I couldn't be the receiver, not on my own. I'm nowhere near ready."

"I know ,Jonas" the Giver said. "But I feel- no, I know, that my time is very soon. I don't want to leave you Jonas, but that's just the way it is. That's why I will do my best to prepare and train you as much as I can in the short time I have left."

Jonas swallowed the lump in his throat, trying to sound as brave as possible. "There's something I need to tell you, too. There's a girl named Eva. And-And she has blue eyes. I've never noticed her before, and she's the only other person I've seen with blue eyes. I ran into her- literally-" he said, smiling at the memory- "Today at the age progression ceremony. She was- well, feisty, but she softened up." he said.

"But, on a serious note, she told me about something. She said she's felt an emptiness her entire life." "Do you know what it is, Jonas?" "Yes, I think I know what it is. The emptiness she feels is where love should be." "Correct, Jonas." The Giver said. "You have learned well. What do you suppose we should do about it?" "I-I was thinking that maybe, I could, maybe-" Jonas took a deep breath "give her some memories of love. that should make her feel better. And although he wouldn't say it, Jonas knew he could love her.

"Jonas, giving a non-receiver memories is against the rules." Jonas looked devastated. "But, receivers have never been ones to follow the rules." And at that, Jonas' face brightened. "You may give Eva memories, but give extreme caution. Otherwise, you know what will happen to her."

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Eva threw herself upright in bed, her heart racing and her palms sweaty. She tried to calm her heavy breathing, and rested her head in her hands and tried to reason with the feelings she had just went through. She had never had a dream like that before, with feelings like that. Feelings that strong. She swung her legs around the side of her bed, got up, and began pacing around her room in circles, hugging herself as she did so. She had no idea what the feelings in the dream were, and how she was supposed to feel about them. She leaned against her dresser, sliding down until she sat hugging her knees on the floor.

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"Eva?" her mother asked. "Are you ready to begin the telling of dreams? Eva nodded. "I had a strange dream last night. It was a very- well, different dream. and the feelings in it were very strong." "Would you like to tell us about it?" her father asked. "Well, it was just me and the receiver in the dream." "Do you mean Jonas?" her mother asked. Eva nodded.

"We were in the house of the old, in the bathing room. But we were sharing a tub, and we were bathing each other. Jonas kept touching me and holding my hand. It was nice, and there was a strong feeling throughout all of the dream, but I didn't know what it was. It was nice, no pleasurable." Eva, who was now completely flushed, looked up at her parents, who were staring at each other.

Her mother nodded, and her father said "Eva, that dream was your first stirring. Everyone gets them at one time or another, and we've been expecting you to get yours for sometime now. The treatment for the stirrings is a pill, which must be taken once every morning. You'll take the pills until you enter the house of old. Do you understand?" Eva nodded.

Eva's mother got up and opened the small cabinet mounted on the wall, taking out a small white bottle. She opened it, shaking out three small pills. She gave one to her spouse and one to Eva. Eva stared at the tiny white pill in the middle of her palm. _So this is for the stirrings_ she thought. _But,_ _I sort of like the stirrings they were strange, but nice_. But, she didn't want to get in trouble, so she put the pill in her mouth and washed it down with some juice.

After the afternoon meal was over that day, Eva made her way back to her seat. The Ceremony began again, now with the ceremony of ten. Watching the youngsters go up to the stage and receive their haircuts, Eva remembered when she lost her long brown hair for the short bob that all females above ten sported.

After the hair had been swept off the stage and there was an uneventful ceremony of eleven, it finally began- the ceremony of twelve. The Chief Elder came back on to the stage, and her wrinkled face smiled brightly.

"We will now begin the long awaited ceremony of twelve." She said, and the audience applauded. "For twelve long years, each of you have played your part as children of the community. You have reached all the milestones for each year up until this point, growing and developing mentally and physically. As you receive your assignments, you will begin your journey to fulfilling your role as adults of the community. We congratulate all of you for reaching this point, and we know all of you will enjoy your assignments. Without further ado, I will now begin."

" Isaac, number one. Instructor of Fours." The crowd clapped as Isaac, a cheerful boy who was always full of energy, went up to the stage to receive his assignment with a huge grin on his face. Giving him the assignment, the Chief Elder smiled and said "Isaac, thank you for your childhood and enjoy your assignment." The ceremony continued, each new twelve receiving their assignment with a smile on their face.

It went on, until it was Zanna's turn. "Number 36, Zanna. Nurturer." The Chief Elder gave Zanna her envelope, and the nurturer-to-be accepted her envelope with a smile from ear to ear. Eva smiled, knowing how caring her friend was and how much she enjoyed newchildren. Zanna would be a good nurturer, Eva decided.

With her stomach in knots, Eva raised from her seat and walked past the many rows of chairs, ascending the stairs to the stage. The bright fluorescent lights on the stage were blinding compared to the dullness of the Auditorium, but Eva's eyes quickly adjusted.

"Number 37, Eva. Birthmother. "

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**DUN DUN DUUUUN**

**Sorry, I am so shameless I just had to add that. Anyways, thanks to toystorylover for reviewing chapter 1! Hope you guys enjoyed and the next chapter is basically done so it should be up within the next 24 hours! Please review, it only takes a second and it means so much to me! **

**LATER ALLIGATORS!**


	3. Eating Me Alive

Shaking her hand, the Chief Elder said, "Eva, thank you for your childhood and enjoy your assignment."

Eva grinned, accepted the envelope, and made her way back to her seat. Zanna smiled at her. "I'll be taking care of your products!" Zanna whispered excitedly, and squeezed Eva's hand. Eva squeezed back, and the two friends watched as Jecile walked up tp the stage to receive her assignment of Judge with a proud look on her face.

Coming back to her seat, Jeclie gave Zanna a curt nod, but didn't even look at Eva. Eva rolled her eyes. Truthfully, Eva didn't really care. She had gotten the assignment she wanted, and Zanna was still her friend. She had always liked Zanna more than Jecile, anyway. Besides, she wasn't arrogant like Jecile often and was much more fun.

Before she knew it, the ceremony was over and the lights in the auditorium were coming back on. Zanna smiled at Eva, and stretched as she rose from her seat. "Congratulations, Birthmother." She said. "Congratulations, Nurturer." Eva said, giggling and playing along. "Do you want to ride back to our dwellings together?" Zanna asked. "Sure!" Eva replied. "Let's go."

After Eva got back to her dwelling, she parked her bicycle in its port and said goodbye to Zanna. She opened the front door to her dwelling and closed it silently, peering around to see if her parents were home. They were, and Eva immediately spotted them, conversing around the already set dining table. Immediately she ducked behind the wall, and decided to listen in on their conversation, since they wound never be honest around her.

"So, what did you think of Eva's assignment?" her father asked.

"Well, I was disappointed, but I suppose it is the best assignment for her. Our Eva was never very smart, after all." her mother replied, and they both chuckled lightly. "She was always too busy dreaming up stories or asking silly questions." her father said.

Eva felt as if she had just been punched in the stomach. Her parents had just called stupid. _Her parents had just called stupid. _She thought they cared about her. _They do care about you._ Eva told herself. _They're just being honest, that's all. You were never smart. At least, not in the way they want you to be. _

"But good for Jecile, though. She was the only one in Eva's group that received an assignment in Law and Justice. I'm looking forward to being her mentor."

The thought of her snobby ex-friend being mentored by her mother made Eva feel sick to her stomach. She would have liked to walk outside, jump on her bike, ride to Jecile's dwelling, and give the girl a much deserved punch in the face.

But she knew she had to compose her self, at least for now. As much as she wanted to scream at her parents and punch the walls and tell them how they were the stupid ones, she had to keep it inside. Once she got to her room, she could cry or do whatever she liked. But not now. Eva automatically wiped away the tears that she had barely noticed, did a few practice fake smiles, and walked into the dining room.

After greeting her parents, Eva took her seat and they ate their evening meal in silence. After they had finished, her mother said, "Well, it's time for the Sharing of Feelings. Eva, would you like to go first?" Eva nodded "I'm feeling content with my assignment" Eva said dully, keeping the emotion out of her voice.

She really was content with her assignment, but she hadn't prepared for her parents calling her stupid. She listened to her parents' feelings, but not really. Her mind was far, far away. She dreamt about what her products, what the other birthmothers would be like, and mostly about Jonas.

Why had he asked to see her after school tommorow? There was something about Jonas. Something- something different. And it wasn't just his pale eyes. "-va? Eva?" her father said, snapping her out of her trance. "Yes, father?" you can go to your room and get ready for bed. Me and your mother will clean up here, ok?" "Ok" Eva said, and made her way to her room.

Eva walked into her room, sat down on her bed, and stared at the manila envelope in her lap. _Are you happy now?_ her conscience asked.

_You wanted to be birthmother, and it's what you got. So what's your problem? You're supposed to be happy now. _

_ I know, it's just that I expected that it would be better. I mean, I had this silly notion that once I was assigned to be a birthmother, this emptiness would just disappear somehow. But it's not. The emptiness is worse than ever. _

In truth, the emptiness was now more crippling that it had ever been.

"How am I supposed to live with this emptiness when it's eating me alive?" Eva moaned.


	4. Beauty and Ugliness

**Thank you, Dear Reader, for sticking with this story up until this point and putting up with this author's madness, which is expressed in many forms, one of them being her chronic procrastination. That being said, she deeply hopes that you enjoy this next installment of her story.**

**ENJOY (or else)**

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Eva stepped down the stairs of the school, searching the crowd for Jonas' face. School had just ended a minute ago, and now the school's staircase and courtyard were flooded with hundreds of eight to sixteens talking, laughing, and making their way to their volunteer hours and afterschool assignment training.

She saw Jonas, and waved to greet him. Jonas smiled at her as he stepped down the stairs.

"Hello, Eva," he said as Eva smiled shyly back. "Hello, Jonas. It's good to see you today."

"Same here. I want to show you something. It's what I said I would tell you all along. But you'll get in trouble if you're late for assignment training, so I decided we should meet by the river after your training's over."

"That sounds good." Eva said, as the both of them got their bicycles out of their ports.

"But wait. The river runs the entire length of the community. Where do you want me to meet you?"

"Come to the section of the River behind the House of Old." Eva nodded. "I guess I'll see you later, then, she said, smiling at him as she mounted her bike.

Their eyes met, and for a moment they stared, enchanted by the mystifying pale color of the other person's irises. Jonas blinked, and they both looked away, faces redddened with embarrassment.

"I-I should probably go," Eva stsuttered, riding off slowly. "Yeah- I should probably get going." Jonas said, and mounted his bike, drifting slowly in the other direction. _Don't look back, Don't look back _Eva told herself _Don't look_- unable to resist, the pale eyed twelve looked back, just in time to see Jonas' grinning face glancing back at her.

She smiled, and swung her head around just in time to slam the brakes on her bicycle, a few mere inches away from slamming into another person's bicycle.

The older girl glared at her. "Watch where you're going next time." she sputtered, riding off without even alotting time for Eva to make the proper apology. Eva huffed poutingly, and began riding off toward the birthing center.

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Eva rode up to the Birthing Center, parking her bicycle and walking in through the glass doors. She walked up to the attendant's desk, where a young man sat surrounded by paperwork.

She cleared her throat, and the man's head shot up, giving her an icy glare. "What do you want?" he asked in a nasally voice. "Um, I'm Eva." "I can see that." he said, motioning his head toward her name card.

"I'm a new birthmother in training. I was selected yesterday, at the Ceremony of Twelve." The man stared at her suspiciously, as if the young twelve might be some sort of imposter. _It's because of my eyes._ Eva thought, annoyed. She was tired of gettting strange looks from everyone just because her eyes happened to be different.

"Right, Eva," he said, nodding and flipping through a few papers. "Just take a seat over there. Gratis will be with you shortly." Eva wanted to ask the attendant who Gratis was, but she didn't want to get any more looks from the man, so she walked over to the cushioned seats and sat down.

After a few minutes, an older woman walked into the lobby, carrying a clip board heavy with papers and dark brown hair that was filled with threads of silver. She looked around the lobby, eyes locking on Eva, anylyzing the girl that sat dwindling her thumbs. "Eva?" she asked, apporoaching the young girl as she marked somthing off on her clipboard.

Eva looked up, and nodded. "Yes, that's me." Gratis scribbled something else on her clipboard, and looked up again and smiled at Eva. "Hello, Eva. I'm Gratis, and I'm going to be your mentor."

Gratis showed Eva around the birthing center, and told her a few of the rules that hadn't been mentioned in her folder. "I suppose you've begun nutrition classes at school, right?" the older woman asked, and Eva nodded. "Soon, you will also begin a more detailed class on the different stages of pregnancy, as well as the different changes you will experience."

Gratis led Eva into a small closet, which was filled with shelves of vials of diffferent shapes and sizes. She picked up a small box, and handed it to Eva. "In here there are four different types of vitamins." she said. "You must take each one twice daily, until your first insemination, when you will recieve a new set of vitamins."

Eva took the box, and asked "What's an insemination?" she asked, slowly pronouncing the last word. Gratis chuckled lightly. "It's when your product is first placed inside of you. You'll learn more about it at school."

In a firmer tone, she added, "Remember to always refer to your products as just that, your product. It is not your newchild, and not your son or daughter. It is your product, and you are it's vessel and nothing more. Do you understand?" she asked, and Eva nodded. "Good." she answered, and on a lighter note she added, "Well, let me introduce you to some of the other birthmothers."

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After saying goodbye to Gratis and the birthmothers, Eva made her way to the House of Old and parked her bike in one of the vacant ports. She made her way around the building, until she was staring at the river, and consequently Jonas, who sat crosslegged on the grassy river shore.

Peering at him from behind the building, Eva could see that his pale eyes were glazed over and full of longing as he stared out across the river. Eva snuck up behind him, and tapped his shoulder gently. Jonas turned around and smiled brightly at her, the melachony look gone from his eyes. "Hello, Eva. Take a Seat."

Eva sat down in the grass next to him. After wathcing the murky river water flow by slowly for a few moments she asked, "So what is it you wanted to show me, Jonas?" Jonas sighed deeply, and turned to look at her, with a stare that Eva couldn't identify.

"Things- Things used to be very different. They all deserve more- more than this. But you're the only one that has the capacity to feel it. So, you deserve to know." "What are you talking about, Jonas?" the young twelve asked.

"Let me show you." he said, and with that he began moving his hands toward her. "What are you doing?" she asked, subconsciously moving away from him, her voice full of suspicion, just like the first day she had met him at the Ceremony. "I'm going to show you. I promise you, it will help."

Eva froze, and Jonas slowly placed his hands on her back. "Eva, just trust me." he said, locking his eyes on hers. Eva breathed deeply, trying to even out the breathing she hadn't even realized had sped up. "Ok." She said quietly.

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_Eva found herself staring at herself in the mirror, like she did every morning, in order to make sure her physical appearance was neat. But, this time, as she mindlessly ran the hairbrush through her dark chocolate brown hair, she saw that her eyes looked different. She stared at herself in the mirror, blinking and rubbing her eyes to make sure she wasn't imagining things. She leaned closer to the mirror and her eyes, they still looked a different. She walked outside, and looked up at the sky, almost frightened by it. The entire sky, all of it looked different. She perceived the word blue_._ She didn't know what it meant, but she thought the difference, the blue, was beautiful. _

* * *

Then suddenly, the memory began to fade away, and try as she might to hold on to it, it slipped away like daylight slipping away into night. She blinked rapidly, and within seconds she was back at the river with Jonas hands' on her bare back. His hands sent a chill up her spine, which failed to cease after he removed his hands.

Eva blinked, still stunned by the strange memory. She regained her senses, if only enough to ask him a question.

"What-What was that, Jonas?"

"It was the memory of blue, which is a color. There used to be many colors, and blue is just one of them."

"Why isn't there anymore color?"

"To go to sameness, Eva. Without color, everyone is the same. Back in the time before the community, bad things could happen to people because of their differences."

Eva nodded slowly, understanding. "So now those type of things can't happen to people. But the blue was so beautiful." Eva whispered, mostly to herself.

"There are many things that we got rid of, in order to make things the way they are now. Many beautiful things had to be wiped out in order to create the community."

"So there are more?" Eva asked eagerly. "There are more colors, and more beautiful things like it?"

Jonas nodded solemnly. "But with beauty, there came ugliness. Ugly, horrible things."

"So do you think it was worth it?" Eva asked. "Do think the beauty was worth the ugliness that came with it?"

Jonas looked at her, with a frightening fire in his blue eyes that Eva had never seen in anyone.

"Yes, Eva. I think it was."

* * *

Eva sat at the dining table, pushing the broccoli around her plate with her fork. For whatever reason, she didn't feel that hungry tonight. She couldn't stop thinking about it. About the blue. The beauty of it amazed her, she kept seeing flashes of it everywhere she turned, and it haunted her like some past regret refusing to be forgotten.

How was she supposed to focus, to be happy with her life now that she knew there was so much more? An entire world of beauty that she had never learned about. She began to feel angry. Angry at the elders, for keeping things the way they were, and angry at her parents, and the entire community for being so happy with the dull life they lived when there was so much _more._

"Are you ready for the sharing of feelings, Eva?" Her mother asked. "You two can go first." She mumbled, not even looking up from her plate. "Eva, you really need to finish your food." Her father lectured. "Being a birthmother requires a body that is meticulously nourished." Eva gave her father an annoyed glare, and proceeded to stab all of the broccoli on to her fork at once and stuff it all into her mouth, hardly, being able to fit it in all at once.

Her father stared at her for a second, dumbfounded, but then shrugged and then began speaking. He droned on, something feeling frustrated about one of the nurses at the hospital failing to give the proper medication to a patient. Eva sighed deeply, and continued to think about the blue.

_Why did they have to get rid of blue? Surely, if they got rid of most of the colors, they could have just kept one of them. I'm sure they can't be that be many differences in people with only one color. Besides, why couldn't they just punish the people who discriminated instead of getting rid of color all together? I mean-_

"Eva?" her mother asked. Eva looked up snapped out of her trance. "It's your turn to share your feelings." Her parents stared at her expectantly, waiting for an answer. Eva sighed and said reluctantly "I- I don't think what I feel right now can be described in words." Her parents stared, confused, at their daughter and at each other, then back at Eva.

"Eva, what do you mean?" her mother inquired. "All feelings have a name." Eva shook her head, slowly, saying "I don't think this one does. Excuse me, I think I want to go to my room now." In truth, the penetrating stares her parents were giving her were making her squirm. It was as if they could see into her mind somehow, and that her attempts at hiding the secret she and Jonas shared was in vain. As she got up, she could feel their eyes still on the back of her head.

She rushed inside her room and closed the door behind her, happy to be relieved of her parents' stares. They wouldn't understand, they could never understand. Jonas had told her. A part of her didn't want to believe him. She wanted to believe that her parents could see color, an theat they could learn about all the beauty of a past world that Jonas had promised to show her. But deep in her heart, she knew Jonas was right.

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**Hope you enjoyed! Reviews are very much appreciated! :)**

**Please please please please review! Please? *cries in corner***


	5. Feet in the River

**Please don't kill me! :(( I know its been super long since the last chapter and I'm really sorry :((((.** **Anyhow, I decided to try out a new POV so this chapter is in Eva's POV. This is a really short filler chapter, but it gives an insight on Eva and Jonas' relationship. The next chapter will be super dramatic. **

**P.S. in case you're wondering, one of the main reasons I took so long to upload this was because I kept writing things that were unrealistic for the 5th chapter of the story. So, YEAH. **

**ENJOY (or else)**

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"Hey, Eva?" Jonas asked. We were sitting the river bank, staring out peacefully at the flowing water. We both sat cross-legged, our bodies a few inches a apart.

"Have you ever tried putting your feet in the water?"

"What!?" I asked, bewildered. "You heard me." He said, and started removing his shoes and rolling up his trousers. I stared at him, watching him put his bare feet into the river. "It's relaxing." He said, before I had the chance to interrogate him. "Try it."

I stared at him for a second. Jonas was getting stranger every day. Hey, I might as well do it. I was already breaking rules by seeing him, anyway. I shrugged, and then removed my shoes, and rolled up my pants. I stared down into the murky water.

We talked about the River all the time. But we were told to never touch it. I remembered the ceremony of loss we had for a two named Caleb, who had been lost in the River. Since then, I had been afraid. I slowly placed one foot in, then the other. The water was cold and flowed slowly. Jonas was right it was right. It was relaxing.

Before I knew what was happening, water had been splashed on to my feet. _Jonas_. I looked over at him, and with a sly grin he splashed me again, splattering water all over my trousers. I splashed him back, and before I knew it we were splashing water everywhere, our feet kicking up the contents of the stream. Then he dipped his hands into the river, scooping up water and spattering it all over my tunic. I gaped at him, my jaw hanging open. I smiled, and then returned the favor.

* * *

I wrung out my tunic, trying to get as much of the water out as possible. "Jonas, what am I going to do? If my parents see me like this, they'll be sure to ask questions. What am I supposed to tell them? That I fell into the river and you rescued me?" I asked, sighing deeply. "If they report it to the elders, then-"

"Eva." Jonas interrupted. His voice was firm but gentle as he placed his hand on my shoulder. "What?" I snapped, turning away from my task to look at him. Messing around had been fun, but there was no way I wasn't going to get caught for having my clothes covered in water. "It's okay. Let me fetch you a change of clothes from the annex." "Jonas, you don't have to-" "Eva, it's my fault you're covered in water. It'll be fine. Just sit tight and I'll be right back, okay?" He was gone before I had a chance to protest.

* * *

"Eva, it's your turn for the sharing of feelings." My mother said. I snapped my head up, looking at my mother. I was unaware that the Sharing of Feelings had even begun. I mean, what was the point? The only real feelings I felt anymore were around Jonas. Everything else was just one long gray blur. "Oh, my feelings?" I asked. "I'm pretty happy." I said rosily. "Do you care to tell us what you feel happy about?" my father asked. "Oh." I said nodding slowly.

"Well today-" I stopped myself dead in my tracks. I couldn't tell them about Jonas. "Today Training went especially well today." I said quickly. My parents kept staring at me. They wanted me to elaborate. "One of the birthmothers- she- um, well- there had been some complications with her product, but everything turned out well." I lied.

"Eva are you feeling well?" my mother asked. "You've been acting strange lately." I had? I shrugged. I guess my time with Jonas was having a bigger effect on me than I realized. "I feel fine." I said, trying to sound as convincing as possible. "I'm just getting used to the notion of becoming a birthmother, that's all." I said. My parents were silent, a look of concern on their faces.

"Seriously, everything is fine. You don't have to worry." I said. I stood up, and pushed my chair in. "I have some reading to do, from the Birthing Center." That must have been the first thing I said to them that evening that was actually true. Well, sort of. In truth, I really just wanted to get out of the same room as them. I didn't want to give them anymore to suspect. Once I was in my room, I quickly shut the door behind me. I wondered how long I could hide this from my parents. What if knew somehow? There was no way they could know, I told myself. But that didn't keep me from worrying.

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**Thanks for reading! **

**This is really sappy but...**

**I Love you guys so much and appreciate all of your support in reviews, follows, favorites, and community-adding (you know who you are ;D). Thank you so much because you are all my inspiration to keep writing! :))))) 3 **


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